Thoughts

London is about to turn 2-years old in a couple of weeks, and we know there won’t be a birthday party this year. Besides we haven’t really spent too much time with her since she came along other than our occasional visits that usually lasts may be an hour or two. So this was a delightful opportunity to be with her. And oh, what a bundle of joy she was! She’s definitely at an age between being a baby and a little human (I guess you call that a toddler!) when she’s independently mobile and learning to communicate with words but she’s still not able to formulate them clearly, which makes it unbearably adorable. It was my dream come true to take her to my beloved woods to walk the trails and show her all the big big trees. For three days, we got to play with this little being as our heart cracked so wide open.

So my intention was to have a little retreat for myself at home. I had created a schedule for Friday afternoon through Tuesday morning with some time for Dharma talks, mindful movement, and walking meditation in addition to the sitting periods. I didn’t think it was going to be easy while living with a husband, but the point was to be able to have a quiet time to meditate several times throughout the day for minimum of 45 minutes at a time. In that sense, I did get the pause I wanted.

It’s been 3 weeks since we were back in the Westside. On one hand, it still feels like my neighborhood, and on the other, it feels definitely so much more noisy and congested even with this “stay home” quarantine. As much as I miss the convenience of being able to walk to the grocery stores, restaurants, bus stops, etc., again I am so incredibly grateful that I now get to walk to the post office through the woods.

We’re almost a month into this extraordinary time in history of coronavirus pandemic. What a wild ride it has been to navigate this constantly changing world around us! Needless to say, it’s been quite a journey for me and my husband to have to move in the middle of this intense period when we could not get much help from others except for a few angels that came our way unexpectedly. Now that I’ve “settled in” my mountain house that we call our “home,” I’m blown away everyday with gratitude for this unexpected “fate” to be quarantined here.

The truth is even with this #stayathome life we live today, I find that the world is still spinning quite a bit.  I don’t know about you, but I am bombarded with invitation emails to attend some sort of Zoom meetings.  They all seem to offer some ideas and solutions for how we can make the most out of this stay-at-home period.  I think it’s important to recognize that many of us are feeling the impact of this pandemic at many different levels and it is O.K. to be not so productive.

During this whole time, I have been moved by all the generosity and acts of kindness offered by people around me for us as well as in the world in general. I’m so grateful for those who are providing essential services such as grocery store workers, delivery people, let alone all the people who are there to care for the vulnerable and sick. There are so many people, that we don’t even know about, who are working tirelessly during this time to keep our life safe. It is indeed a test for humanity. And I have no doubt we will survive, and I am truly hoping that our world is changed in an incredibly positive way when we come out of this.

Meanwhile, I’m almost done moving although there are some things I can’t get done because of the restrictions we have in our life. Since the Governor announced of the “Safer at Home” ordinance last Thursday night, we decided to get the move done so we can hunker down in the mountains. After all, this is a much better environment to isolate from the world. I can walk to the woods nearby without bumping into anybody except for some birds, squirrels, or bunnies. (I think bears are still hibernating!) It is indeed a refuge, unexpectedly, for which I’m so grateful for.

It was 4 weeks ago today that I received a notice of eviction from my landlord. By the well-debated rent control ordinance, the landlord can evict a tenant in good standing for a few reasons, one of which is that either the landlord themselves or their direct family members moving into the property occupied by the tenant. That was our case. When I wrote about it, I had so many kind and sympathetic responses that touched me.

As I’ve been sharing about having to move out of the condo unit we’ve been living for 8 years, the current status is that my husband and I decided to take our belongings to the mountain house for the time being. I guess this would constitute as “moving to the mountain house.” The reality is that I will have to “live” in the mountains and commute to the city to work — because I have an elderly cat that cannot be dragged around. As long as she stays at the mountain house and I’m there to care for her, she’ll be content. Much of the logistics are still uncertain, but I’m really embracing this opportunity for a change as I know often these unexpected turn of event turns out to be a blessing.

Since I was a little girl, I loved books. I remember this one book called, The Little House. It’s about a little house that once sat in an open field, and over time the surrounding area was developed and the little house was squished among big buildings and elevated train tracks. It just told a story of impermanence, how everything changes. I witnessed the same thing happening in neighborhoods I’ve lived. The house I was born in was torn down after we moved and became a parking structure for the Catholic Church next door. The next house I grew up in was also torn down and became a high rise apartment building. And every time I go back to Japan to my hometown, there’s a new road and highways surrounding the neighborhood, which used to be a “sleepy little town.” I don’t even recognize it.

We received a “notice of eviction” from our landlord last week.   We have been renting this condo unit in West L.A. for 8 years, and now we have to move out by the end of April.  Sometimes things come up unexpectedly that can change everything.  At first my reaction to my landlord handing me the documents very apologetically was “Wow, this is so interesting! Don’t feel bad!  We’ll be fine!”  I thought this is a good chance for us to move our base to our mountain house as I have been fantasizing for quite some time.  I immediately started my attempt to “figure out” what that might look like.

I was in the mountains this last weekend after several weeks of typically busy time in the city. Since we had the big snow storm during the holidays, most of the snow is melted although there are patches of snow here and there. When I got to my beloved woods by our house, I got to visit The Tree I’ve been writing about except now it’s lying on the ground. When I first went to see it after it was fallen by the forest services, it was still pretty snow covered. This time, there wasn’t much snow so I could see the whole tree laying down.

Between the Community Dharma Leadership Program (CDL) at Spirit Rock and Teacher Development Group (TDG) at InsightLA, I am mentored by my dear teacher and friend, Diana Gould. For the CDL homework, we’re supposed to prepare talks. And for TDG mentoring program, my mentor is supposed to observe me teach. I have given talks before to cover Diana when she goes on her long retreats and enjoy doing it for the “Young Adult Practice Group” on Sundays every once in a while whenever their regular teachers are not available.

This coming weekend, we have the Oscars.  It’s early this year.  The week after Super Bowl?  Still, it’s that time of the year to reminds me of Riley, my kitty.  It was 3 years ago that we lost Riley completely out of the blue.  We went to an Oscar party at a friend’s, and when we got home he was dead on our bed.  I don’t have to talk about how devastating that was as I did plenty of that back then.  Other than that we knew he had a respiratory issue, we, including the vet, thought he was pretty healthy, but apparently, he had some undetected condition that took his life away.

It is Wednesday, which is the day I usually do my little writing to send out.  As I sit in front of my computer and ponder what I’m going to say today, I can’t help but think about the loss of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and the other families on board of that helicopter.  I don’t want to write about it because everybody else is, but it feels like that’s what’s on my mind and many others today – 3 days after the tragedy. 

I get to live in Santa Monica although strictly speaking my home address is in Los Angeles. The other side of my street is city of Santa Monica, and I did live in Santa Monica more than 10 years before my husband and I moved to where we are now. When I was a teenager, there was a Japanese pop singer who had a hit song called, “Come, Come to Santa Monica.” I didn’t know anything about the city, but I knew it was somewhere in America. I don’t know if I knew it was in California.

I finally got a chance to get a clipping of a persimmon tree from my friend, Donald’s backyard. I hadn’t been there for almost a month when it was just done bearing fruits. Now the tree was completely bare. Surprisingly, the branches were so high that I could barely reach one to clip. Donald moved out a few weeks ago, and there was no objects I can stand on. I figured I’d just take one to see if I can get it propagated, which I’m not so confident about as I don’t consider myself to have a green thumb.

So I had a fairly relaxing time in the mountains through the holidays and now back in the big city. I came back to LA to work on January 2 even though I’m “supposed to be” on New Year’s celebration until the 3rd with my Japanese tradition. I came back willingly on the 2nd because I was being of service to my fellow Dharma teacher who is buying a property. And the temptation is to get busy right away. It is that familiar grasping mind that wants more of whatever my mind thinks I need.

As the year draws closer to the end, it is time to pause and reflect, right?  It’s been so hectic – well, it seems that’s a given and increasingly so at any time of the year.  But I do feel like the last month or so was just so busy and stressful.  I really had to make myself stop from running around by Christmas so I can finally pause and reflect.